Monday, February 15, 2016

Sean Kelly

Review: Deadpool

The "merc with a mouth" receives the big screen treatment in Deadpool. Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is a wise cracking mercenary, who finds love with the beautiful prostitute Vanessa (Morena Baccarin). However, Wade finds out that he has late-stage cancer, which results in him enrolling in a program headed by Ajax (Ed Skrein), who ends up subjecting Wade to a number of horrible experimentations. As a result, Wade gains a healing mutation, but is left horribly disfigured and aware of the meta universe. Naming himself Deadpool, this merc with a mouth sets out on a path of bloody revenge.

After a long wait, the cult Marvel comic character Deadpool has finally made it onto the big screen! Known for his foul-mouthed wisecracks and habit of breaking the fourth wall, this has been a bit of a dream role for Ryan Reynolds, who had been wanting to play the character for at least a decade. This included him playing a less than faithful version of the character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine back in 2009.

BORING! Hello cinephiles! It is me Deadpool chiming in on the review of my film by this film blogger. Opps! I mean "freelance film writer." Sheesh! It seems that everyone believes that they can be a film critic just because they have the f***ing internet! Why don't you readers out there just do yourself a favour and just go see my movie already! This review already brought up the f***ing Wolverine movie and that is enough of a carndial sin! What, you actually want to read what this Sean Kelly guy has to say? Alright then. Just don't say that I didn't f***ing warn you!

Taking place within the X-Men universe, Deadpool sees mercenary Wade Wilson enter into a top secret program to find a cure for his cancer. While he does end up gaining a healing mutation, Wade is left horrible disfigured and more than a bit insane.

WAIT A SECOND! Wasn't all of that already said back in the introductory paragraph? HEY MR "FILM CRITIC," STOP TRYING TO FILL OUT YOUR F***ING WORD COUNT, OK? Moving on....

Without a doubt, it can said that Deadpool is a character of a cult appeal that not everyone is going to understand. In some ways, the Deadpool film is arriving too late, because films such as Kick-Ass have beaten the character to the punch when it comes to R-rated superhero films with meta elements.

Oh, that's a low blow! You don't compare me to a f***ing dweeb in a green wetsuit! Do you really wanted to listen to a guy, who is comparing me to a "hero" with such a lame f***ing name as Kick-Ass? At least he's not like the f***wad, who shall not be named, who called Super the "dirty subversive comic book movie champion of the world."

Now, I was a fan of Guardians of the Galaxy and its soundtrack just like everybody, but WHAT THE F***?!? Super isn't even based on a f***ing comic book you nimrod! Doesn't a guy get literally mindf***ed by a squid in that movie? You are really saying that kind of movie is better than my super cool fighting moves? Sometimes I just don't f***ing get people. Well, back to this review.

I will start off by saying that I generally had quite a lot of fun watching Deadpool, particularly the fourth wall breaking moments, which begin as early as the opening credits. However, the film isn't perfect. A good chunk of the film focuses more on Deadpool's origin, which are shown as flashbacks shown throughout a fight sequence in the middle of a highway, which also includes a confrontation with X-Men members Colossus (Stefan Kapicic) and Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand).

Do NOT pay attention to the criticisms of a guy, who not only bought a $30 action figure of me on Boxing Day, but bought my video game on Steam THREE F***ING DAYS AGO!! This guy was going into my movie expecting to love it. He is just saying negative things about the movie because there's some f***ing unwritten rule in the book that you have to do something called "constructive criticism" when taking about a film. Why doesn't Sean Kelly say that he loved my film and be done with it?!?

BTW, isn't it f***ing weird that Colossus is so much different than he was in the X-Men movies. Don't get me wrong! This CGI Colossus is so much better than that Twilight also-ran, who wore metal masks. But, there is this little thing call CONTINUITY that had to be taken into account here. Oh well.

Another thing about Deadpool that I wasn't crazy about was the villain Ajax, played by British actor Ed Skrein. There was just something not right about how the character was portrayed and he was a very weak threat to an otherwise fun movie. However, I believe that Gina Carano fared better as the secondary villain Angel Dust.

Don't f***king blame me that Nicholas Hoult is already busy with the X-Men movies, so we had to settle for a f***king look-alike, whose biggest claim to fame was appearing in three episodes of Game of Thrones, before being replaced by another actor. However, I would so do Gina Carano.

Deadpool differs greatly from many superhero films by going in a very R-rated direction. This is definitely not a film for the kids, as it features much bloody violence, foul language, and sexual content. However, it is these very adult elements that make up the core of the character and it is great that the film was not toned down to make it more accessible to a mainstream audience.

NOT FOR THE KIDS? Haven't you played Call of Duty? Kids f***ing love all this violence! Well, except for that one kid that asked his mom to create an online petition for a PG-13 rating for my movie. That was so lame.

BTW, why are you even saying things like "R-rated?" Doesn't Canada have some sort of bizzaro rating system that uses numbers like 18A?

While the film will probably not be for everyone, Deadpool turned out to be more or less what I was expecting and I ended up leaving the theatre quite entertained.

8 / 10 stars
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Surprise, surprise, Sean Kelly f***king rates a film 4/5. Doesn't this guy ever use any other ratings? Not every f***ing film is worth a 4/5 you know. Personally, I would give Deadpool a 5/5 myself. Hey, remember when this guy used to rate on a scale from 1 to 10? Yeah, that was f***ing awful.

OK folks! You have done reading this poor excuse for a film review and now go out to see my f***ing movie! And don't forget to f***ing stay after the credits!

Disclaimer: The entirety of this review was written by Sean Kelly, with some sections in character as Deadpool. No offense is intended for what is said in those sections.

Sean Kelly

About Sean Kelly -

Sean Patrick Kelly is a self-described ├╝ber-geek, who has been an avid film lover for all his life. He graduated from York University in 2010 with an honours B.A. in Cinema and Media Studies and he likes to believe he knows what he’s talking about when he writes about film (despite occasionally going on pointless rants).